Beginner’s Emotion

December 15th – it’s that time again, for Jev’s infamous Christmas Countdown!  Last christmas was the first time that I had expanded the countdown to this blog, as it was originally designed for my close and personal friends only, to cheer them up through their stressful last minute holiday shopping and planning.

Yesterday, my day was made when my iTunes told me I had reached 666 songs in my playlist!

So, to the meat of the post!  I’ve often heard it said that when new writers really delve into the craft, and really get that writing is meant to bring out the emotion inside of them, they often break down into tears. In general I believe that society has taught us to deny much of the adversity that we might feel, bottle it up and save it for when we’re alone, and never really express it, and so we lose touch of how to express it. The process of writing and connecting to that adversity to bring it out in words is a moving experience, especially when it’s the first time you’ve really gone so deeply into your soul, the reasons a new writer would want to cry it out are many – fear of what is in the soul, catharsis, to name a couple.

But is there a point where you have to have an emotional disconnection to what you’re writing?  Or is it not the fact of a disconnection, but the fact of knowing what is in your soul for sure, so that you are not surprised when it comes out, and you are not fearful of what is still left?  As a seasoned writer and experienced woman in life, I can tell you that for the majority, I know myself, and I know what I am capable of expressing. Still, I am sometimes caught off guard by the things that I write out without even thinking about it.

Conflicts are things that we avoid in life at all costs, and yet they are essential to making an entertaining and worth while story. Is there a point where we have to step back and have an emotional disconnection from our characters as well, so that we may give them conflict and emotional complication?  Seishin is a perfect example of a character whom I love dearly, and yet his story is so full of strife and torture, but I don’t feel bad for him.  I do not have an emotional connection to Seishin because of how I know he will react to torture and sadness.  He’ll take it, and then laugh in its face, because he knows that every time, it teaches him something. In turn, it teaches me something, so I then look forward to putting him in strange situations to see how he will react during, and after. Characters are largely just an extension and experimentation of your own life.

Knowing Thyself

Angry Latte Monster courtesy of Codename Tippy

My infamous christmas countdown is due to begin on Tuesday December 15th, and I am not even close to being ready!  Christmas celebrations were largely delayed by my working out in the real world this December, and also by the fact that I will not host christmas, and so it doesn’t matter!  What a festive mindset I have.  This morning, I will be grading for my green belt in jujitsu – green is festive!!

In regards to my new year’s resolution, as I was reading about maintaining stress to low levels (fun fact: I have a problem with stress. I have never been good at keeping stress under control), I questioned the piece of advice, “Know yourself and how you react to situations, and in what ways you react to different triggers”.  Part of knowing yourself if being aware of yourself, which is why my resolution is also helpful to my endeavor (fun fact: I react best to touch and movement, which are largely contradictive of each other!), when I stop to ask myself questions about what is going on in that moment, I become more aware of how I feel. But to the point:

Is it more difficult for a serious writer to know themselves, because of the nature of their craft?  Because of taking on so many personalities through the characters they write and the emotion and experience they put into the stories, is it more difficult for a writer to have a sense of “self” completely?

I wondered if the writer’s sense of self is really there just as strong as anyone else’s, but get pushed aside and never really discovered because of the other characters taking over how that writer is going to react.  As I know, it’s so easy to lose yourself in a situation when you go into it thinking of it like a research opportunity saying to yourself, “Act like Character A because then you can determine how he/she would react to that type of event”.  I often, when things in my life were uncontrollable, got out of bed in the morning and said to myself, “Today you will be Character A.”, and taken on that persona through my day, casting off who I was completely in favour of the character. It was a quick and easy way to escape my reality, but it was also a way to deny my “self” and push it to the side, not giving it a chance to speak and tell me who I really was.

On the flip side, I wondered if a writer’s sense of “self” must be that much stronger than the majority, in order to keep a hold of that sense of “self” even through many different characters.  In that way, writers are the greatest actors that ever lived, and the entire world is their filmset.  This goes back to when I referred to the state of being a writer “controlled schizophrenia”, because the writer must be so aware of their own “self” in order to keep recalling it and shelving the characters’ personalities for later.

In my conclusion, up until very recently in my career, I was the passive first type of “weak Self” writer.  But as I grew up, and as my craft grew up with me (the perks of being young, and generations ahead of your time, in an industry like this), and I gradually realised how important my reality was to maintain.  Writing, telling stories, creating worlds and characters – it is all still my entire life, but my reality differs, and with a stronger sense of “self”, I can control both of these worlds.

The Person

A young and impressionable Jev from three years ago.

My new year’s resolution for this year is “Ask more questions”.  This includes asking for clarification of things I might not understand, and also questioning information given to me to create my own ideas and interpretations. My desire is to exercise my mind because I don’t care what society tells you – curiosity didn’t kill a damned thing.

In regards to this, I questioned something that I had heard on TV – Why is it that the public has a desire to know the personal things in a celebrity’s life?

I have a habit of withholding or changing a lot of personal information that doesn’t pertain to my writing career in any way, because as I have explained before, I’d much rather my audience be entertained with characters they can’t see through, instead of my own life. My life, let’s face it – pretty dull compared to Ren Saulnier or Seishin for example.  Yet so much of myself is put into those characters and their stories that they are me, just to the point of an opacity.

So I think that the public can look at a celebrity and wonder, “What makes that person so great?”, and want to break down the aspects of that celebrity’s life to reassure themselves that the celebrity is just human like they are.  The public wants reassurance that they can also do great things, because the celebrity is not much different when it comes to being human.

The flip side of this is Idol. Everyone has one, even me (Arimura Ryutaro, Kaori Yuki…), and they are called Idol to us because we aspire to their greatness.  Naturally, we desire to know what their lives were like and what they continue to be like so that we can either follow their paths, do like they do, or again be reassured.

In the case of writers, I believe the answer to my question is “because the public wants to know where all those crazy stories are coming from”!  But I’ll leave you hanging on that note in preparation for tomorrow’s post – writers change themselves so many times with each story they write, curiosity is only natural because a person with that much controlled OCD begs attention.

The Lifestyle

Yesterday I commented on the personal aspect of my writing career, how I got started, what path I took, and how long it took me.  Today I’d like to address another personal aspect of my life that many ask me about, in all possible ambiguity – How does a Shintoist live with a Buddhist?

First off, I must say that while traditionally, Shinto and Buddhism are considered religions, neither myself nor the Buddhist view the practices as such.  The practices are simply the way we chose to live our lives – they are lifestyles.  Define “religious” anyway, and you will find that the word pertains to anything you do in your life as a habit. It is not the act of praying to a God, it is the act of living your life. It’s just that in some of those lifestyles, praying to a God is a large part of the lifestyle.

Let me start by giving you come background information on Shinto and Buddhism in Japan, as this is the major influence of both mine and the Buddhist’s lifestyle practice choice.  Buddhism came to Japan from Korea and China, and was accepted in the Nara period when the reining empress encouraged the following, so it became recognized as an official “religion” of Japan. Shinto has its origins right in Japan, but the earliest documentation of it in the Nihon Shoki was not until the 7th century. The idea is that Shinto was immediately the Japanese way of life, and was not considered a “religion” until other religious practices came into Japan and began to change the lifestyles that people chose.

The practices of Buddhism and Shinto are widely similar.  Both have environmental anchors believed to house the energy needed to complete certain tasks in daily life.  The basis of both lifestyles is energy, and how the practitioner can use that energy to move the universe.  Both lifestyles state that we are connected to every living thing, and thus share energy, and thus can use that energy to achieve an end goal.  Both have lore associated with them in order to give meaning to these environmental anchors and determine the type of energy that each holds.

So what’s the difference?  Buddhism and Shintoism are often compared and called opposites, and I believe this to be the underlying answer:  Shinto does not believe in impurities, the largest and most obvious being death. A Shintoist will be concerned in the present with ridding themselves of impurities, often by washing their hands frequently or with a cleansing incense such as Sandalwood.  The main concern of the Buddhist in the present is a state of calm and grounding. They can be seen as opposites because the quest for purity can be called a frantic one, if not approached in the right kind of way, and often can be seen as OCD.

The other main difference which only counts if you are in Japan – Shinto is practiced at shrines, and Buddhism is practiced in temples.

Modernly, there is not enough difference between these two lifestyles for them to remain separate in every aspect of Japanese life, and are often combined to suit whichever need is easiest to fulfill. There are more similarities than differences, and so differences are cast aside completely, because the society is not diverse enough for it to matter, as everyone accepts the same guidelines to be truth.  This is all based in fact, as I said I was going to remain ambiguous and impersonal with my personal life….I think I did well!

Time, Jikan, Toki

Right after this picture was taken at the crack of dawn last week, winter set in. It was only a matter of time, as it is past the first week of December and here in Canada, we are long overdue for the arrival of some snow and cold misery. But after all it is 22 days until I venture to the Frozen North to spend the remainder of the holidays with the Buddhist – so I better get used to winter!

Recently, many have asked me just how long the publishing process takes from the first concept of the book, to writing, to getting it published – so I wanted to speak on that.  As you know by now, I have been to university to learn the inner workings of the publishing industry, and am currently working within it marketing for authors of a house in Quebec. So I’ll start at the beginning of my endeavor to make my dream of becoming a published author come true:

It’s no lie that I’ve been writing ever since I could hold a pen. I still know where to find all those notebooks filled with two or three page stories about nothing that I wrote as a child with silly little drawings. It was when I was 15 that I started to really take writing seriously, because I had entered high school, and was beginning to be pressured to find out what I wanted to do with my life.  Well, I wanted to write. Despite being forced into an animation degree college program on the basis that I could get nowhere in life with writing alone, indeed it was storytelling, scripting, that I excelled in, and decided it was not in my best interest to continue with animation.  My next college attempt was a comic design program, where I attempted to get back into 2D design and graphics, which was the only part of animation I actually ever enjoyed. Again, I found myself focused on the storytelling and scripting, and so I threw in the art towel completely, and devoted myself entirely to my writing craft.

By this time, I had already begun the incredible and grueling journey to find a literary agent. Beginning when I was still in Humber’s animation program, I was turned down by most, given a chance by few, and caught the interest of even fewer who were intrigued but unwilling to take the chance. The problem was, I realised as time went by with no results, that I was at best completely unknowledgeable about the publishing industry. I took a 4 month crash university course over the summer at Humber’s Lakeshore campus where I was drilled with the essences of the industry and came out with a degree and specialty in marketing.  I landed a job with Shoreline Press, working with their authors and publisher, all of whom I love and adore and have learned so much from over the time I’ve been with them.  But I never gave up on my own dream.

Now here I am 8 years later, on the cusp of brilliance.  So close, I’ve gotten a taste of it, and it is divine.  Now, over the past 8 years since I began taking writing seriously and writing actual full length novels, I have written 8.  Generally, a novel will take me one year to write from concept to completion, as long as I don’t put it down for a while to take a break from it.  The exception of that are both TETHERED ROMANCE which is ongoing because of multiple re-writes, and THE REALITY FILTER which was written in three consecutive days, lost to a computer crash two weeks later, and written again from start to finish in another two weeks.  I think that this is unusual for an author to be able to do, as I have seen many eyes splay at the mention of “one year” instead of “two or three”. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I live my craft.

The production of a novel to be published from editing to distribution is said to take two years. During that time there is much to consider, editing being the primary concern.  From there, there will be layouts, designs, cover art, printing, and the glorious release date. From there, the author gets to promote!! My favourite part – the reason I write stories in the first place – to share them. How much more satisfying can it get to give a story to the general public, and have them get lost in it with you? I think there’s nothing else I’d rather do in this world than move the public with words alone.

So there you have it. The timeline of one’s writing career.

On The Togetherness of Psychology

Hisashiburi!  I’ve been one big ball of stressed out energy lately, thanks to the Christmas season, as there is so much going on!  Home made gifts for everyone, working a part time job in the real world, planning a trip to the Frozen North, and Skyping away hours into the night!  The holidays are made difficult with the emphasis society puts on togetherness when the ones you love are ten hours away from you.

But in the spirit of togetherness, I would like to turn your attention to my post “The Profound and Psychology of the Craft”. In it you will find a hint of my thoughts on the emotional detachment that I theorized all writers (who live and breathe the craft) have.  You will also see that recently I have received a comment to that post from a certain R.D Peters – Hi Mr. Peters, if you’re watching!

You can probably see by my reply to Mr. Peters just how touched I was to receive a comment like that. The fact that another published author generations apart from me agreed with my theory validated my endeavor and told me that if I have the logic to analyse a tradition of the craft, then I must belong to the craft, and I wasn’t wrong when I threw in the towel of my many animation degrees and said “writing is what I should be doing with my life”.  Many a writing teacher has said to me that I write much older than I am, and that there is a sophistication in my writing personality that speaks in so many layers. I have been yet again validated, and it makes me very proud.

In light of this, which I had in the past brushed aside as “just something I do for my work”, I have been inspired to maintain my morbid and often cynical outlooks – because it makes people think.  I may have vampires, I may have angels, but in the end my message will always remain the same, “Exposing the discrepancies of the human condition in the most delightful ways!”

Sit Down and Drink your Tea!

My crown of thorns in blasphemous proclamation doubles as a Christmas accessory, because that creates the possibility for even more sacrilege than it did at Halloween!  My infamous Christmas Countdown begins on December 15th. Mark your calendars. Here in Canada, it is the end of November and we are getting rain storms instead of snow storms. At this time last year, we had 4 feet of snow.  With the Buddhist reporting from the Frozen North where it is not even Frozen yet, I’m keeping my hopes up for a green Christmas and New Year’s (because  I will be in the Frozen North shortly after Christmas, and I fear the cold).  Break out the soba noodles and macha!

In the interest of my writing career prospering, I am now working on three books:

THE REALITY FILTER:  Completed, and in the hands of an agent, I am brainstorming and making notes for my imminent marketing effort that will follow its publication.

TETHERED ROMANCE:  It has been hanging on the wall for quite some time, and as I edit each night, I find that instead of reducing the amount of post-it notes, I have been adding them.  The story is all there, but there are so many options to use to tell it, working with such a rich atmosphere as it is, and so I’m exploring them all to see which fits the story in a more jarring sense. TR is all about the shock value, all about the twisted nature of life, and so I want to really exploit that while I have the opportunity and perfect medium.  This story is so rich, I will be happy and yet sad when everything is told and it’s finished. I expect to write a sequal.

SUPERMAN DISPOSITION: The memoir for which this blog is named.  It went through three re-writes and now is on it’s fourth – but this time it is a complete re-conception.  Actually, I have been struggling with this one.  Part of me wants to say “It is my life exaggerated into fiction, and so it is fiction, not a memoir” but another part (which is currently speaking louder) says “It is my life, and even though it is exaggerated, it is still my life and so it is a memoir”.  As I re-conceptualize, I’m unsure which direction to go, and so even writing down the most basic information becomes a challenge.  Do I write it down as it happened and as I will include it, or do I write it down and then have some fun with it?

The last thing I want is to be caught up in a “Million Little Pieces” drama, especially one spurred by something as simple as either “memoir” or “fiction” stamped in tiny letters on the back cover my book. So I ask you:  What would you rather read? A memoir of someone who explores the macabre and ignored side of life and society, or a fiction about a character who does the same?

Appreciate the New Atmosphere

Coffee mug as big as my head holding delectable Gingerbread Latte

Sometimes I forget to practice what I preach, and begin to underestimate the delightful inspiration that can come from simply changing your setting and atmosphere.  Generally when I write, I am standing at my kitchen counter, lounging on the couch in the dead of night, or most popular walking on the treadmill.  But settings get stale, and so too does the inspiration to keep writing, because underneath it all, the mind is bored and seeking entertainment.

It’s a challenge to write in a crowded place such as a coffee shop. There are many contradictions – you have a warm drink at your side which is comforting. But there are other people all around you!  You have a table to yourself in the corner where there are no distractions and all you can do is sit and relax.  But it’s so noisy between the jazzy music and the people talking over it!  The reason, I think, why writers flock to coffee shops to write is because while the logical part of the brain is busy working out mediums in all these contradictions and challenged by the change of scenery, the inspired part of the brain is then left free to let the words flow.

So shall I share a few lines?

A snap of a whip and a shriek of terror, pain, ripped the air apart in flames.  As the smoke and blur dissipated, I pushed the thought from my mind that it was my voice screaming, my body in pain.  “How many of them were there?”  Whip.  Sting.  “How did you murder them?”  Whip.  Cry.  Rage.

I caught my breath, looking down upon myself.  My arms spread to each side in shackles against the wall where there was no escape, no shelter for my everlasting beauty.  Across my bare chest, crossing lines of blood where my skin had been torn apart.  Cross me.  Cross me, I said in my mind.  I can’t do it when I’m bound this way.

“There were eighteen.”  I whispered, lifting my gaze as high as could, holding my head as proud as I could manage.  “I drained the blood of eighteen women who came to me for comfort they couldn’t find elsewhere.”  I wanted to confess what I had done.  It made me powerful.  “What is your name, samurai?  I believe I trained with you once.”

Somewhere, and lightly, I had touched him.  “Takayama.”  He lowered the whip as if his arm would give me rest.

I smirked though every inch of me burned.  “Yes, I trained with you.  I offered you my comfort as well, and you took it.  You took it with such earnest I could have sworn you had fallen in love with me that night.”

A slap to my cheek, I was used to it, it was nothing to me, and I laughed as I spat the blood from my mouth.  “Do you have no defense for yourself?”  The samurai asked me.

“None what so ever.”

Arrest in Edo (now Tokyo) was a brutal ordeal, and this is one scene from Seishin’s arrest.  It would consist of the accused being dragged through the public streets in humiliation, then thrown into a crowded jailhouse and tortured until confession.  After the confession came the purification, and usually, death. Shinto was a rebel religion.

Nyan Nyan baby~

I hope everyone had an awesome Friday the 13th!! I know I did.  I was a happy-go-lucky Black Cat for the day, with my barret avec neko-mimi (uh oh that’s three languages in one phrase!), and collar with cute-little-jingle-bell.  My only regret is that it was not a social experiment for the sake of my writing, but just plain fun!

This is a most ridiculous picture, as I was hanging upside down from a swing set!  I was photo-shot in a playground, which was the purrrrfect setting for an excited kitten to play!

In the real world, along with my various construction jobs (roofing down, house painting to go!), I have been invited to join the team at the LCBO!  This is exciting news, which will add to my very extensive list of experiences while I await the ball of my novel publication to finally begin rolling.

Did everyone watch the coverage of the Scotiabank Giller Prize last night?? I know I did!! Oh, it was a beautiful thing. I can picture myself there in the very near future! I must start working on my acceptance speech!

I told you I was Superman.

Osamemashite

My plot for World Domination has been underway for about two weeks now, and that being said, it is time I revealed it, because needless to say , you are all pawns in my game.  You are detrimental to my success because you’re keeping my King safe.

The ultimate goal here, to my entire life, is to be the novelist that will rival the great classics of literature.  However, unlike most, my aim and intent is to be appreciated in my lifetime!  To do this, I already have many advantages that will come into play.  I have graduated a university program that has equipped me with the tools to be successful in marketing and agenting, which means that I have an edge to be completely self-reliant in promotion, and semi-self-reliant in legalities.  I’d rather not take on the legalities all by my lonesome, but the tip-off is that I understand the literary contract and publishing processes so my hand need not be held.  By my entry to that university program, I also learned a lot about networking and have made many contacts and am aware of where to obtain the information needed to stay up to date with trends in the industry as well as industry news.  If I can give the industry what they topically want, that is more power to me.

So enough of this mildly terrifying world domination stunt, let me tell you that I have been working on a construction site for the past two weeks!  Yes. And might I add, many found it odd that a girl like me would be working there, despite their apprehension being only because they do not know how much of a health nut I am and therefore just how cut out I really am to do the job. Which was roofing!  So here, if you ever find yourself in my position, are my tips to remaining Ladylike on a construction site:

• Paint your toenails pink. Who care if no one will see them in your work boots, you know they’re pink.
• Wear a hint of mascara, even if you’re not keen on wearing makeup on the job.
• Ask the client if you may use their washroom instead of using the johnny on the spot or….the bush. Integrity.
• Offer to make the coffee runs. It may be slightly oppressive and insulting to the females, but it does indeed make you feel feminine.
• Listen to your favourite poppy girl musician before work. Be empowered, get a good song in your head for the day!

Tomorrow, is Friday the 13th!  I am going to the Hammer to be photoshot.