This is Milk. If you’re lactose intolerant like The Writer, Milk is your worst enemy. Many celebrities are speaking up about their afflictions such as food allergies (with the latest craze being the G-free diet), but no one has yet spoken up about lactose intolerance, which is perhaps the worst food allergy you can ever experience. So I am speaking up! I am dubbing myself the official celebrity spokesperson of lactose intolerance until I am forced out of the spotlight by someone actually famous.
Let me give you the low-down on what lactose intolerance actually is – The majority of humans don’t need milk or dairy products in their diets past infancy. Most of us built a tolerance by that time and can continue consuming dairy products with no trouble. But there are a few, myself included, who stop producing the enzyme Lactase, and therefore can not digest lactose. Maybe those of us afflicted are actually the normal functioning ones – who knows. Anyway, without this enzyme, lactose remains undigested in the stomach as sludge – and that sludge hanging out in there causes bloating, pain, flatulence, and all kinds of other unpleasant stuff which causes hell in your digestive system! Left untreated, this can escalate to affecting other parts of the body, not just the digestive system. It leads to the inability to digest nutrients, and can therefore cause your fingernails to peel and break, hair loss, bad skin, and yes even infertility.
So now that you understand what lactose intolerance is, let me tell you where lactose is found, and this is not a pretty picture – it is found EVERYWHERE. Even where you think it may not be lurking: All dairy products, modified milk ingredients, brown sugar, molasses, caramel colour, caseinate, margarine, whey…the list goes on. For a complete listing of potentially lactose-ridden food products, you can visit Canada’s Food Guide website.
Since lactose is found everywhere in everything, what can you do to go completely lactose-free? For starters, when you’re buying food, READ EVERYTHING. You must be aware at all times about every ingredient that goes into what you eat. If there is a mention of “modified milk ingredients”, “caramel colour”, “brown sugar”….PUT IT BACK ON THE SHELF. I recommend even reading the ingredients over when you are buying a safe product for the second time, as they may have changed the ingredients somewhere down the line. The other thing you need to do is cut out virtually every packaged food you eat including boxed meats, microwavable food, and packaged snacks like granola bars. Packaged muffin and cake mixes are also playgrounds for lactose. But there are ways around this! You can make everything with fresh organic ingredients yourself very easily, at a lesser cost, and higher nutritional value. I make my own muffins which are whole wheat and virtually fat/sugar-free. I even make my own granola bars with a lactose-free granola cereal (high in protein and fiber) and marshmellows (and some dried fruit if you like) – a la Rice Crispie Squares. You don’t have to sacrifice anything! You just have to make it for yourself and control what goes into it.
Don’t have time, I hear you say? Nonsense! Making granola bars takes about ten minutes from start to finish. You can cook and bake mostly everything you’ll need during a work week on the weekends, and keep it either in the fridge or freezer until you need it. This goes for meals as well. The thing to watch out for, is that none of the food you prepare yourself has preservatives in it, so take care to store it wisely and use it within a good timeframe.
There are exceptions to these rules, and they are yogurt and cottage cheese. These dairy products are riddled with probiotics, and probiotics are good bacteria that pre-digest the lactose so your stomach doesn’t have to. What about milk? Soy milk is more nutritious than cow’s milk, and it is lactose-free naturally. All of these safe dairy things are available fat-free! Even better! Recently, Allegro has made a line of cheese which is virtually fat-free, and contains probiotics. The result? Lactose-free cheese! Greatest invention of our time. Love pudding? Irresistibles brand has made lactose-free pudding cups.
(And you didn’t hear it from me but – Dr. Oetker Added Touch lemon poppyseed muffin mix is a safe lactose-free option. Made with whole wheat, and fat-free as well.)
It’s a whole lifestyle change, and in many ways it’s terrifying! But this is a good start, and believe me, your digestive system will thank you in ways you never thought it capable.
The Writer lactose-free. It's a happy thing.
(this is a very exaggerated fake smile by the way, I don’t normally look like that…)
